OH! what a wonderful weekend we lead

A weekend i will never forget. one that i not only learnt lessons but also learnt of new friendships.
As it was Fallon's boyfriend's (mitchy's) 18th birthday we certainly made sure that we celebrated in only the best of ways. arrived at mitchy's apartment late afternoon. not much was done scept going into surfers to pick up chinese for the few of the remaining clan. we ate, we chilled, we wished the birthday boy only the best wishes. friday night was very quiet with alot of spongebob on the telly till the early hours of the morning.


Satuday was spent getting up around 8.30 and leaving for the denist (Fallon and her monthly appointments) around 10. hanging around southport with mitchy, fallon, lucas and noomi was a well good treat. i bought a new dress from Nevernever boutique. which i wore that evening. speaking of... after such a long day walking around southport and surfers i ventured onto the balcony around 4pm and cat naped my way through a quiet hour and half. sooner than we knew the guests started to awaken.


Spent most of the early evenings of the night lying around the balcony in the company of our cigarette secondhand smoking. i spent most of the night with a lovely new aquantance: Tobias. a good friend of Mitchy's and a twin to Lucas. we got along unbeleivably well and found our general attributes clicked. after i'd gotten into my vodka the night could only get better.

This all carried on untill the early hour of 3AM. most people ended up on the floor but Toby and i escaped to the good ol' fashioned futon. as galmorous as it sounds it isn't. we left our hours open throughout the begingings of late night rage who's content was very full of 80's old hip hop. The Black Sheep was my favourite act. as the sun began to rise we decided to desert everyone in the room of empty bottles and lost memories, and ventured out onto the balcony where the sun awaited to shine upon our tired complections. we slept throughout this warm endevour and awoke only to find outself with too much sun exsposure, so we retreated back to bed when Fallon awoked me with a toaster and a lost common sense.

From a wonderful night to a very very early morning it was surely not a waste of time. if there was such thing as capturing a moment of time in life itself; that night would definately be one i would treasure forever.

a new table of contents

So many new likes and dislikes at the moment it's doing my head in! plans being made for not only the comming weekend but the comming weeks/months/years of my life. as hectic and degrating as it all sounds it's also very exhilarating and exciting to think about. one thing my friend Fallon and i have in common is planning things down to the very last specific detail.
This weekend is Mitchy's (Fallon's partner) birthday. Eighteen he is! spending the whole weekend at a hotel in surfers paradise. the whole idea smells to me like independence and party. totally and utterly stoked for the whole experience. also hopefully meeting up with her friend Rose, who seems like a pretty important figure and her life and i am excited to be introduced to that. friday evening Georgia and i will be seeing a movie together and hpoefully getting a bite to eat. "how romantic," as her father would say.

Also speaking of other plans. i was so amped on the idea of going to The Villiage Arts Fest next weekend in Yeppoon to gather with some of my great friends; drinking $2 a can UDL's and get smiley face spray on tattoos. but unfortunatly with my parent's financial situation i am being forced to chose between going on a week trip to melbourne on the holidays or a messy weekend of memories with my bestfriends.. as this melbourne trip could contribute to my future of design and what not, my parents are very keen on the idea of me choosing that option. as much as i love my friends, i do love me more. not saying that in an offensive or selfish way at all. i just see that in the end of life and the pathways to our future you must in the end think of yourself. because at the end of the day we all know that the one person who will always be there for you in body and mind, phycologically and physically, smiles and all in the reflection of a mirror, is going to be you and only you. so therefore i do love myself very much; due to the fact that i am always there for me... bit of insight into "selfishness." So therefore i am in a very difficult position. not knowing what to do i will give myself a few more days to dwell on my conclusion to this mind-menacing situation.

On a lighter yet fashionable-filled moment. i am so into the latest Zimmerman line. especially the pastely colours illustrated not only on the frocks but also painted on the models complections. i'm so into the natural look at the moment, not too much eye-liner, splashes of pinky blushes and peachy lips. this particular spring summer line really inspired me:

As exciting as all that is i'm am just as excited to say how great the latest sale is at Nevernever. i've saved up a bit of money since my birthday and discovered all up i have around the $170 dollar mark. which is great! so am planning to go in on saturday with Fallon and co. to have a gander and hopefully come out with something colourful and sweet.
I have also been having a good look at the new Sophomore collection. that's all just as great too. but since i cannot be slightly bothered to post up that here's the link: http://www.sophomorenyc.com/

After this eventful well i can clearly and safely say it was a content one. besides all of the stressful school work i've been having to produces yet lacking very deeply in, it has been a quick and soothing monday to thursday.
I think Fallon and i will have an eventful weekend full of smiles and photos!

naked and alone...

How much longer will this spiraling mood of mine and mine only disintergrate from the bed of my mind. jumping up and then throwings itself over a cliff. both ways is brought down to gravity; but still never feeling the reality of it. 3 years non-stop has caused me to end up runing to only one person... where are they?


Lava Monster - Conor Oberst
"Depression sets in again
I know how that goes
Nothing seems to work out anymore
And you hurt so much
Feel so helpless
Want to crawl into a hole somewhere
And just give up
And just give up
And just give up
But I can’t let you
Because you never let me
Let me
You never let me
You never let me

And you say your life is useless
And you say this is all meaningless
But I, I know that that is just bullshit
Because you will not give up
Because you will not give up
Give up
Because the moment that you do
I would give up too
That’s what I’d do
That’s what I’d do

And it’s not easy when this happens
Fighting something, that you can’t see but
Don’t you worry because I’ll get in there
And take some hits for you
I’ll take some hits for you
I’ll take them all for you
I’ll take them all for you
No more limits No more limits
Take them
Take them
Take them all for

And I know your life’s not useless
And if there’s some way, I’d prove it
When the lava comes
I swear, I’ll block it
It will not touch you
It will not touch you
Touch you

And if the lava monster came
I would block his flame from hurting you
From hurting you
He will not hurt you
Will not hurt you
Will not touch you"

i'm your puppet

i can hardly go a day when fighting with someone without trying to make up or atleast show some form of remorse. having one of those days (including yesterday) hasnt been the best start to this "positive" life i plan to lead. i hate it how people can be so oblivous to how they actually feel about you. when people make it so clear that they care about you as a good friend and somehow they just don't see it. sarcasm is one of my main problems i seem to have with people. two of my friends i have deceived with the stupid quilities i behold. maybe i don't take things serious enough? well right now i am stuck between not knowing what i've really done wrong. did my sarcasm get in the way? may i use it as some sort of mask infront of what i'm really feeling sometimes..
masks:

1. a covering for all or part of the face, worn to conceal one's identity.
2. anything that disguises or conceals; disguise; pretense: His politeness is a mask for his fundamentally malicious personality.
3. to disguise or conceal; hide; dissemble: to mask one's intentions.
4. to put on a mask; disguise oneself.

i am all of the above.

tonight

status: (alive) and nothing can stop me from living the life i had led, am leading, and will continue to lead. no one but myself. and sometimes i feel like i can't even persuade my spitted emotions to stay beneath my tongue.
how great is that?

tonight: generally content.
needs quick results, yes well don't we all? missing Grace and Shaye this evening.

my eyes are filled with salt and a broad future.

after having a very enlightening phone call with a long lost friend last night, i now feel like my mind has been twisted slightly to the left to see what could possibly be ahead of me in life. being offered by some of my closest friends to start a life with next year is one of the sweetest smelling compliments i've had in a while. but the downside is i just dont know who the best candidate would be. maybe i could live by myself? but the whole concept of "alone" or becoming "lonely" is one of my greatest fears. and plus, i love to have someone to wake up beside. i have alot of decisions to make over these quickly pased coming months. time really does have a fast pase. or mayb we are all just becoming far to slow? all i know is that i'm naturally lazy when it comes to situations that involve minimal conclusions. although sometimes those are the small stepping stones we must take in turn to answer the big ones.
so last night whilst falling asleep to inspiring lyrics and repeating words of deep thought, i came to the conclusion that i am generally going to continue this happy life i live. as in go throughout everyday smiling to almost every situation. because in the end, you naturally live longer as a happy person rather than a sad or illed one. and i am always going to think about this god for saken pile of earth and water; about contemplating on an understanding of how everyone is so terrible to eachother in their actions. and the harsh consiquences of love that must follow after ugly relationships are over. they are all disturbing conversations i have with myself daily. though in the end, i can only just breath every 2.2 seconds, eat every 3 hours, sleep every 12 hours, love the people present in my life every moment they pass my mind and dry swallow any indication of hatred or jealously.
we are all human. whatever that means.
my eyes are filled with salt and a broad future full of more salt to be swallowed.

the frustration of not being alone.

Lately i have been determined to be seen as being by my self. no more extras or add-ons in my life at the moment is my goal. yes i love meeting new people and what not.. i think what i'm trying to say is that i'm not interested in having anything unbeleivably close in my life right now.
Like a spider weaving its web around my life and the thickness of my skin. i just want it away. i dont think i can explain what exactly it is.. but it certainly is something or someone i just want detatched for a while..

On a lighter note i am feeling much better and went to school on friday. saw all of the friends and what not. it was a fresh day.












Tonight i will hopefully be seeing an old friend. was suppose to happen last weekend but i fell very ill. i don't know how good the odds are though.. considering we are so bad at this.
Speaking of old peers; speaking to S alot lately. i am repeatedly told how much i am being missed but somehow i am not able to relate those feelings to a 100. i think that might be the cause of one of the reasons pushing me to want to be "alone." a partner in my life at the moment is something i don't think i could handle. another failed relationship in the guest book. and what am i doing, going back to the history palette?

This is possibly one of the most deepest personal refelections i've written down in a while.
Whoever reads this is not smart.
Goodafternoon.

an ingredient for myself:

tired, alone and sick. as strange as it might sound i'm happy within this status for today. after being around 17 and a half thousand people plus the other thousands of girls at school, i am happy to just be around a population of one. not much noise around the house other than my mum having tea parties with just one other friend is all like sweet sweet nothingness to my ears. i awoke with a fever this morning and no voice which gives me another reason to bask in my own company. it's all sugary bliss to me! and as for this weekend i will be delving into more quality time with the one and only, hopefully focusing on my latest art project for school and maybe catch up with an old friend. i'm trying to toss up between the two peers but am leading towards the one who has the deepest connection with someone very important to my soul.

so relaxed and brought together as one being. i haven't felt this calm for a long while. yes everything might not be completely perfect parralel lines but the gap between myself and reality is moving closer and closer.

with arrows pointing to next year my stomach feels a little upside-down yet full of happy butterflies at the same time. such an adrenalin right now! well i still have 8/10 weeks left of school forever. plenty of time to plan and re-plan... as easy as it was to write that sentence it's not that easy to beleive it.

all in all i'm having a nice day with the enjoyment of one's self. i feel like Virginia Wolf saying something like that. maybe i am her? too bad i'm afraid of drowning.

splendour 2008 fuck!

Splendour in the Grass 2008, Byron Bay, 2nd and 3rd of August. possibly one of the most gnarliest weekends i have ever experienced. not only was i amped about going to watch some of my favourites bands i had the company of my bestfriends there with me. Georgia was the main one holding my hand most of the festival. since she didn't have much knowledge of the musicians playing i took the honor of introducing them to her. one of the first moshs' we entered was Hadouken! a band that had come all the way from the U.K. (my home!)

We got so close to the front that every second was a jump for oxygen and a cool breeze! whilst the music zinged through our bodies we noticed something.. we were having the best fucking time of our lives! it doens't matter if you hardly know any of the words, because somehow the crowd just knows how to move to every beat. fucking epic.

During Hadouken Fallon was off seeing Light Speed Champion.

soon after i dragged georgia along to see The Drones, an Australian band who are apparently loved by Band of Horses. WHO we shortly watched two hours later, but will be raving about that later. MSTRKRFT was something cronic. georgia and i met up with a long lost friend from Sydney, Roland (chuck). dressed in his fine top hat we danced the night away. quickly running off to see Band of Horses my favourite band. Roland and i dragged Georgia along with us hopeing we would run into Fallon and co.

a fucking amazing performance from them. yes they only played about 6 songs but Roland and i were singing along to every lyric with our hands in the air. i had a guy offer to put me on his shoulders and crowd surf to the front... but somehow i didn't think i would survive the first 2 metres ahead. but all went well as we screamed untill he walked off the stage.

RUNNING to see PNAU was the funniest endevour. we couldnt find out selves even getting past the crown along the outside of the tent so we just delt with listening rather than seeing. i only really heard like 2 songs "Baby" and some remix of some sorts. all worth the 10 minutes anyway!! from then onwards we waited around the tipi forest to see DEVO who was performing ar around 10.30 which was the last act in the Supertop tent. i felt like i was watching a piece of history! thinking to myself how my parents were listening to them 20 odd years ago and here we are today. watching them perform at Splendour in Byron Bay at 17 years of age. epic. soon after that performance we left for home. feeling tired with sore feet we walked (i swear 5 kM!) to the servo where Simon picked us up. we were without Nicole who i will not even start to explain about. she's so crazy...

DAY 2! the next morning we had the liberty of doing it all over again! starting off with a few glasses of champagne and off we went. first act of the day was a Brisbane band called Yves Klein Blue. the lead singer Michael is absolutely amazing. couldn't take me eyes off him literally the whole time. and didn't stop dancing or bopping till the very last song.

After a nit of rampaging through the Tipi forest and making friends with the Canberra sort it was time for Vampire Weekend. also one of my favourite bands to date. all the way from New York they come. and not only do they bring their enchanting tunes but their enchanting spirit aswell. yeah we may not have been at the front, but in my opinon, even bein in the same 100square meter area as them is being star-stricken. here's a few shots of the devilishly handsom ones:

SO literally untill 7.pm we were frollicing among the many thousands of people attendind that afternoon. dacning through tipis, running into friends, eating deep fried chips/ amazing vegie burgers/ menthol cigarettes SLASH free smirnoff from lovely strange people. once running into Natasha she got me into line and pulled me to see The Vines. possibly the most fucked up guy i've ever seen, yet the most sexually appealing one. he is known to have some form of autism or "special needs" yet he portrays himself as a wild cat with no respsibilities or cares. whilst smoking his many cigarettes on stage and throwing bear cans into the crowd he certainly left a mark on everyone. standing stage right, 4 rows from the font i was set for the next 40 minutes:

After that lovely experience we ran off to see The Panics for literally five minutes. then raced off to see New Young Pony Club. they were pretty off the hook. a wild U.K. band with a kick ass chick as the lead singer. she knew how to work the crowd and had everyone dancing with their hands in the air. loads of images were taken but not so great due to the amount of deranged crazed people that were there.. possibly due to The Presets about to perform right after them.

fucking insane that was. but more so the waiting for The Presets.

i swear i almost died in there. getting sandwitched between 5347347347030 different people with their bodily fluids and exhales of substances. not so attractive. but there was one brihgt light shinging through the crown towards me. a friendly boy stood beside me with chisled features and pretty clothes. we talked about what we'd been upto and how hectic the last hours have been. whilst being swayed through the crowds he offfered to hold me hand, and we did. so tight i couldn't let go even if i tried. but getting pushed to the font bar! was something i will never forget. i don't think i really want to remember it either.... the boy and i lost contact and i was shoveled into the metal railings. yes they were playing away but i couldn't see a thing let alone hear much besides the yelling of the crowds within my ear drums. i ended up having to drag nicole out. which took about 20 minutes to get out of the whole area of the feilds by then.

Finally meeting back up with Georgia and Luce we endevoured back to the Tipi Forest where Lost Keys was performing. i ran into Beth! which was amazing as he is our favourite tech-mix dj. we danced front row for half an hour. along with her boy Will who got one of his mixs played. so good.

and whilst running off with those two we breached the last act of the night... Wolfmother. Who was a fucking epic last performance. yes we were falling behind the back of the tent but i could see enough to be stoked. they've been known to be great live performances and i agree with the rumours. great fun. their last song "The Joker and the Theif" but perfectly played with the crown roaring for more.. i loved every bit of it.

All in all Splendour was one of the most fullfilling experiences of my life so far. spent it with some of the best people. yeah i feel like i could've gotten upto more and been more organised, but in the end everything i wanted to see i saw it. definately going next year and going to try harder to se more music gigs, festivals, concerts, etc.

as a final sentence, i love my music and i love my friends. the two things i wish never to part with. ever.