my struggle of just trying be alone / some additional notes on the last few days of enjoyment:

these last 5 or so days as i was back up at the coast were very enjoyable. however; i do like to come home to a silent room full of an insense burning and some subtle folk music in the backgroud. the sunday night i didnt quite end so sweetly as family relitives didnt serve me this luxury. being swallowed into a forced awakening of 'family boding' just doesn't ooze as well into my scene. as much as you may adore your surrounded blood-ID i just don't adore their personalities. i generally just like the fact i have a big family. doensn't neccessarily mean i like their qualities and interests in life - as most of them live so far away in this desert like country, and i am drawn away across the world to see my mother's side of the family; somehow i have more of a liking to the people who see "more" in life as apose to the people who can only see through their bedroom window each morning and are only able to vision patriocy as appose to what else might be out there in the big wide world.
so my night ended badly with me having a short 5-8 minutes panic attack on how to deal with these hyenas in my hallway howling to the spear-like noises they call their sense of humour.

i've awoken this morning to the sound of child-like screams to the immature jokes of spongebob squarpants. lay in bed for about 2hours and 30 minutes untill i could hear only but the wet breeze lightly touch the screen window, and the flies buz flutter near the dog bowl, and the drip of the oil from underneath the car into a black pool of toxins, and the whisling breath of the cat at the end of my bed, and the tapping of the notes tacked to my wall, and the tiny ripples along the soft surface of the pool's water from the scaping wind, and ofcourse the cracking of my mind awakening to this beautiful world full of its wars and its malls and its small pleasures.

Notes of happyness of being blind whilst i intake people and their sharing assets and accessories.

so the past 5 days back up at the coast were just as amazingly fun as they usually are. especially since i spent alot of times with the friends i only spend about 20% of the time with when i'm up there spending 80% of my time with the people who tend to make me loose my mind to gravity. so Tuesday and wednesday night were pretty sweet. stayed with Brock tuesday night and Mitch came over after work at the chinese. we took polaroids and drank vodka in plastic cups. sleep came around 4AM. then for Wednesday we op-shopped till the early afternoon and Grace, Shaye and i headed off to Woodford Folk Festival.
which was absolutely amazing - best experience i've had in a while. it all consisted of people dancing around with harsh clouds of smoke above our heads and small round buttons of oval shaped powder under our tongues. we all had pupils as big as the moons surface - a black moon. it was an evening of extravagant delight. the countdown to the new year fell out of the sky and onto our bent smiling faces so gracfully as we all kissed eachother under the title of bliss. i was in awe of how much love i felt.

within the next few days that followed that really consisted of being within the yingyang soul circle of Grace and i. i left for Prue's house on friday evening where Kelly and i ate sushi at her work and i got commented on my tye-dye dress by a complete stranger who stated "did you know cooking up one stake to eat equals the same carbon admission into the atmosphere as a car drive from here to brisbane?!"
i left on sunday morning, early, to end my journey from wonderland and begin a new one here back at home.

the beginging of a journey - the beginging of the rest of my 2009.