luce as a medicine / loneliness still an addiction

the lovely luce came and visited me for a couple of nights. certainly served as a substitute for my loneliness as of late. but somehow i still managed to feel that black pit echoing "alone!" in between my ribs and around the back of my heart, tickeling my soul.

we managed to have some nice moment together though. Wednesday we went upto Brisbane to see the "Optimism" exhibition. i brought my canon eos 300 with me. manged to sneakily snap some shots of the art present there - however, i havent developed the film yet.
that night we watched movies and caught up on how much we've missed eachother since graduation. Thursday night was Louis's 11th birthday so we took him out to a japanese restaurant - Arigatou Tapanyaki. the meals were absolutely amazing; as per usual. the night ended with Luce and i ordering Cold Rock ice-cream under the famous recipe of Fallon's! was so delightful and fullfilling! thank you Fallon ♥

Today really consisted of Luce and i relaxing to The Hives, Tokyo Police Club, Meiko and Radiohead. then we headed down to Robina to the pictures to see "Marley and Me." was very cute and sad little story of a family with a dog. made me appreciate my puppy so much more when i came home.

my current state: an addicion to the worst possible thing you could ever want to get stuck in - other than quick sand. i could say i'm "lonely" but i could also say im "happy." both could be a lie both could be the truth. both could be thoroughly contemplated and argued for many hours on end. but i'll just chose to sit in silence to the sound of my shallow breathing, the weak rain outside my window, the piercing shine of the steet light in the distance of the hill i live on, the harsh voice of 'Right away great captain' through my speakers, the biting of my nails, the grumbling of not only my stomache but my heart yearning for the nutrience of someone elses heart throbbing for mine. every tiny sound produced melts very quickly through my ear canal, down my throat, through the capillary veins running, splitting into millions of tunnels through my lungs, in and out of my left ventricle through my heart and out my right ventricle, through a million veins of my lungs, up my throat, and out of my mouth. all of which then travels back through my ear and repeats the painful process. like im inhailing my worst fears.

i need a cigarette.