tonight is an odd night.. a very cold one at that too. can't seem to recall where my thoughts are or have gone to? i thought i had figured them out previously. but maybe i'm back to the begining again tonight. or atleast chapter 2 or 3. not interested in tea, orange juice or chocolate coffee. just interested to where in the hell has my lover gone in my life? i don't go out tonight primarily due to the fact of knowing he wouldn't approve or atleast equally agree on the idea of who exactly i was joining for to dinner tonight. not making him sound terribly but i just think, not everyone get's along. actaully that's not a personal opinion that's a world wide one. it's the whole reason why we have wars. disagreements of all types are thrown around. and let's just say, the whole saying, "agree to disagree" is the most ubsurd thing i have ever heard of. no one does that.. unless they are in an argument with their mother. that's when you just agree to anything to hear her shut up.
BUT besides the point.
tonight is just one big blur all over again. this last 85hours has been horrid. spending this many days doing NOTHING i think is driving me bonkers. yes i have had calls to go out but for some reason i am not "interested." or is it "bothered." either way they are both not nice things to obtain in a personality. i just don't know. seriously considering going to sydney tomorrow. it'd be colder down there. more excuses to get clothes and nice shoes. warm shoes at that. i would ask lover but.. i dont know where he is. and i don't just mean geographically, i mean relation wise.
where do i go from here? and without looking upto the heavens, which is something i would never do regarding my beleifs in nothing on those terms, i look to the crazy movies as my answer.
"Maybe i'm a girl, interrupted." - for the time being. or maybe just tonight.
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