after watching "2 Days in Paris" the other night i think i came to the realisation of what's really been going on for me. my whole life has revolved around this relationship status that i can never actaually explain to myself. or other people for that matter. after watching this movie a sense of realisation had come to me, as i know understand what "title" or definition i could be put under:
"It always fascinated me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing. It hurts so much. When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing. Here it is. One more, one less. Another wasted love story. I really love this one. When I think that its over, that I'll never see him again like this... well yes, I'll bump into him, we'll meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend, act as if we had never been together, then we'll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely. Almost. Always the same for me. Break up, break down. Drunk up, fool around. Meet one guy, then another, fuck around. Forget the one and only. Then after a few months of total emptiness start again to look for true love, desperately look everywhere and after two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well. There's a moment in life where you can't recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you sixty percent of the time, well you still can’t live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well you love his sneezes more than anyone else's kisses."
- Julie Deply
after reading this my meaning in life (relationships) and what i want know or could possibly want in the future has definately changed.
from my night out last night with a new date, i have come to the conclusion that the more and more i like him the more my heart opens up for him. and i mayb not want to give my heart out straight away, i don't mind opening little cracks everyday for him.
every minute becomes another reason to condone his trust into somethng that could become so much more.
i am at ease now.
i am content.
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