i am feeling so alone lately, but when looking from the out side in i may look like i have more than enough people around me to have me feeling suffocated with love. but somehow i still feel the cobwebs of insecurity are wrapping themselves around my neck and heart. i cannot breath through my own lungs anymore.
im felling terrbile guilt for one inparticular person right now as i don't think i can give them everything they deserve. as good as they are to me i just cannot seem to control my current moods at the time and seem to spill the poison into their complexions a little too much.
i feel like i could almost pull off the character "Nikki" from the film "Alfie." she's unreliable both in reality and her mental mind state. alcohol doesn't help, and she seems to swing from high to low moods whenever she feels without controling them - usually for others sake. but then in the end she feels sorry for herself and knows an appology can't help much after the damage has been left behind her.
maybe i'm not Nikki. maybe the only person who can pull off her character is Sienna Miller. maybe the only character i can pull off is myself. and only with myself can i over come my inperfections. or whatever
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